ah, so it starts.

so im sitting here, late on thursday night, half confused about how I ended up where I am, and half in the bag. I had sat down to watch an episode of Sex in the City with my husband, and he crashed, so it was just me. and as Sex in the City normally does, it has forced me to take a look into my relationship with my husband. I am a barely thirty something, but I feel and think like I am still 20. And I say 20 and not 18 intentionally. I did not begin accepting who I was and what I wanted from life until college. Before then, I grew up in a tiny town in New Hampshire. I was quiet, shy, and very reserved. I did not speak out at school, I barely ever stated my opinion on any subject. I was the little sister of a beautiful older one, who fell acceptingly into her shadow. We moved when I was 12 to a slightly larger "city" (I say that in quotes because the term "city" is relative to the size of towns in NH). There i continuded to be the shy smart girl in the back of the classroom. My senior year, I started dating this guy who was kind of a "punk". He drove a light blue chevy blazer, with fog lights and a sterio system. We dated for a year, I lost my virginity to him (yes, when I was 17). We continued to date after I graduated from high school, as I attended a local college. My mom, being a single parent, couldnt necessarily afford to send me away to school, and me, being the shitty budgeter I am, hadn't really saved up the money. So I took a job with my boyfriends stepdad at a municipal office in town, and attended classes on a part time basis. But one year later, my boyfriend and I had broke up, and I was on my way to school in Boston, Ma. I was PSYCHED. I am a smart girl, graduated about 20th in my class out of more than 400. But I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be an architect, I wanted to get the frick out of NH, I wanted to see what else there was to experience. And so after almost 19 years in this slightly hick town in NH, I was going to be in the big city. I was going to live in NH. If I only knew then was I would experience. If only.